Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
