Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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