do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's always time for handjobs
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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