Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
