So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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