Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
