I think I won the penis lottery.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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