tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
God I need to hump something, right now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
