Pants 0. Shit 1.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
