My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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