I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Less talking, more tequila
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
