so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
