bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
