I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
