and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Come on in and take your pants off
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
