Where did you get a picture of my penis
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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