im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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