Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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