i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
