If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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