So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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