I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
