I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
