The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dignity is for republicans.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
