i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
