she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
