guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
