i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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