He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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