Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
