Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
