Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
