Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
