Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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