so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
