So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
