i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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