TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
