your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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