she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
