Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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