what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
