I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
FUCK WHALES
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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