He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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