But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
