we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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