Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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