I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
