My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
