it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm at about main and main street
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
be right there i have to get my cape
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
