Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
