Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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